One day, you are on a beach in the Mediterranean making a dinner reservation, and the next minute, you have fallen in love with a man… with children.

Going from childless to an instant Mom can be overwhelming, trust me girl, I know!

Being a childless Stepmom can have a steep learning curve, but don’t worry, I’ve got your back.

Here are things I have learned as a childless Stepmom.

1. People do not intend to be insensitive; sometimes, it just happens. I remember sitting around with a group of Mom’s sharing their labor and delivery stories. When it was my turn, they all looked at me, waiting for me to jump in, and I didn’t know what to say. I felt so disconnected I didn’t have a story to share. I had to remind myself that no one intended to put me on the spot. I was pleased to report that I didn’t have an awful birthing story, and we all carried on, but it can be hard to be an outsider in the Mom group. Don’t take it personally; as a Stepmom, you are doing a job many others could not.
2. People will assume you don’t know what you are doing because you don’t have your own kids. This could not be further from the truth. Just because you haven’t cared for children from birth does not mean you don’t know what you are doing.  Sometimes, a Stepmom can know their stepkids better than their bio parents do. 
3. Your life is going to change. I know this goes without saying but going from childless to a Stepmom is a significant life change. Give yourself grace with all of the changes. You will not know every detail of your stepkids’ lives overnight. You don’t have to know every teacher, best friend, coach, etc. It takes time to integrate households and lives. Give yourself time and patience to adjust. 
4. It will be essential to take time for yourself. Continue to do the things you loved to do before you became a Stepmom. 
5. You have an amazing opportunity. Being a childless Stepmom can be a unique gift for your family. You can give your stepchildren the benefit of a bonus parent in their lives without the transition that comes with blending two families. They can get to know you and spend time with you uninterrupted. You can give them your attention and build a strong bond with them. There isn’t jealousy or insecurity that can come when introducing additional children. 

Being a childless Stepmom means that you are already a rockstar. You have taken on a role requiring selflessness, patience, and much learning. Take a minute to acknowledge your influence in your Stepchildrens lives and give yourself a pat on the back. You may not know everything there is to know about parenting, but who does? Remember, we are ALL learning as we go.