Losing a Stepchild When a Relationship Ends

Personal

You work so hard to build a relationship with your Stepchild, you love them and care for them, but what happens when the relationship with your partner ends? This is something that we don’t talk about. 

Ending a relationship is never easy and when you have Stepchilden involved it can be excruciating. I was in a relationship for years and raised my Stepdaughter like she was my own. We built a remarkably strong relationship and I planned to be in her life to watch her grow up.

When my relationship ended, navigating a new dynamic felt impossible. No one in my life could relate to what I was going through. I was working through so many unfamiliar emotions and experiences. 

If you are going through losing a Stepchild, you are not alone. Here are some lessons I learned along the way.

  1. Allow yourself time to grieve. Although your Stepchild may still be in your life in some capacity you are going through a significant loss. Allow yourself time to work through the emotions of grief. Many people think that you should just be able to move on. Take the time to process what you are going through. 
  2. If your ex-partner will allow you to maintain a relationship with your Stepchild, always keep it positive. Try to hold back on placing blame or negativity on their bio parent. Those are adult issues that kids don’t understand. It will just confuse the relationship with your Stepchild and they will pull back.
  3. Redefine your relationship.  Take time to talk to your Stepchild about the new relationship you can have. You may not be in their life every day but you can be there for them whenever you need them. My ex-partner eventually cut off direct contact with my Stepdaughter but I still continue to send cards, notes, and gifts. I make sure that I am consistent with my message that I love her and I am always here for her.
  4. Seek out help. This situation can seem impossible, but it is okay to ask for help. Reach out to a professional therapist or coach. We can’t always do these things alone, and you don’t have to!
  5. Understand the relationship you had with your Stepchild will not be the same. This can be very difficult to accept. You go from taking care of them and being involved in their everyday life to not having any parental rights or involvement. I fought so hard to try to keep the relationship the same however it didn’t benefit anyone. Once I accepted that the relationship had changed, but it could be redefined, this helped me move forward.  

The truth is, losing a Stepchild because a relationship failed is really hard. It broke my heart and changed who I am and how I see the world. Your Stepchild is still within your reach however so far away. You will feel so many emotions from anger to guilt and sadness. 

I don’t have a direct relationship with my “Stepdaughter” but I check in on her every so often. I will always be here for her if she needs anything. Eventually, the fog clears and you can breathe again.

You don’t have to do it alone, message to work with me. 

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about me & why I am so passionate about helping you

Hi, i'm Karmin!

It's been a journey. I am a Stepmom, and I may not have experienced it all, but I have been through A LOT. I became a Stepmom to a little girl and was so lucky to be a part of raising her for 6 years. Through this experience, I felt every feeling and experienced almost every scenario as a Stepmom (this is not an exaggeration).

I felt unappreciated, unheard, and lost. I spent hours and hours trying to figure out what to do to feel more comfortable and accepted. During this time, as can happen in blended families, the relationship broke down, and we decided to part ways. This decision was heartbreaking. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and the emotional fallout from losing a Stepdaughter was more than I could have ever expected.

I then started my search for support from other Stepmoms going through the same thing, but I didn't find what I was looking for. I felt complete uncertainty of where to turn. 




After I picked myself up from my bathroom floor, I decided that I was going to live my best life and help other Stepmoms to do the same. I worked on myself and reflected on six years of co-parenting, relationship building, communication, and what happiness meant to me. 

I did the inner work, day after day. I figured out what I needed, how to communicate better, how to deal with triggers, and what being a Stepmom really means. In all this, I have been so blessed to build a life I love with balance, happiness, support, and only room to grow.

I am engaged to my soulmate, a Stepmom to two amazingly cool kids (also two dogs and a temperamental cat named Stuart), and I am helping other Stepmoms build their best lives. Sometimes, we just need someone to say I have been there, and I can help. Not all of the support we need can come from a textbook or the good intentioned friend who has never walked in our shoes.

Where I am today - 

With all of my life experiences, i can promise you - i have walked miles in these shoes and I have been there. I am a board certified Life and Success Coach, NLP and EFT Practitioner, as well as a certified Clinical Hypnotherapy and T.I.M.E. Techniques practitioner.

how we can work together